Category: change

Living without Shoulds

by listeningtomylife7, posted in change, compassion, spirituality, Uncategorized
backpack-blonde-hair-blur-214574.jpeg
Free to Be Me

Have you noticed your self-talk is often accompanied by the word “should?” When I use the word should, such as, “I should,,,,,,,,,,,,.” I am telling myself that I am lacking in something. Most of my life I have had a script in my self-talk that repeats “I should” for any number of reasons. I should lose weight, I should try harder, I should do more, I should spend more time___________, fill-in the blank.

All these “shoulds” create a since of not doing enough, not being enough, or not having enough.  We live in a culture that continually tells us that more is better. The advertising industry is based on prompting us to buy more to be happy. The cycle is never-ending. We try to be more beautiful, successful, kind, spiritual, or put the words that you strive to be. Whatever your answer my guess is you have a lot of “shoulds” that follow you’re thinking.

I asked myself, “What would my life be like if I did away with all “shoulds?” The first thing that came to my mind was freedom. I would be free of:

–worrying about what other’s think about me,
–attempting to meet unrealistic expectations of myself or others,
–doing it right the first time,
–rehashing past conversations, or rehearsing future conversations.

As I wrote these different ways of being, it felt wonderful to allow myself to make mistakes, be spontaneous, and not worry about things out of my control. One might say we need those “shoulds” to keep us from hurting ourselves or others. I trust that most of us know right from wrong. We don’t need a should to tell us not to rob a store. The key is to not try to be what you are not. It is about accepting who you are and allowing yourself to be different. Marlo Thomas, wrote a song back in the 1970’s for children titled, “Free to be Me.” When I am fully at ease with myself, there is no need for “shoulds.”

I invite you to make a list of “shoulds” that seem to dominate your self-talk. Behind every should is a sense of lack. Allow yourself to look at what you fear if you don’t follow that “should.” Enjoy the journey, it is about coming home to your true self.

 

What’s Next?

by listeningtomylife7, posted in change, spirituality, Uncategorized

As I grow older, I seem to have more questions then answers. What is my deepest yearning? How do I want to spend the next part of my life? Where am I being called?IMG_0447.jpeg Many doors have closed, some by my doing, some due to my age, and some I’ve had no control over. Yet, new doors don’t seem to be opening up. As a friend once said, “It’s the corridor between the two that is the real b__ch.”

My life has been filled with “doing.”  I have always been an active, task-oriented person. Filling my life with pushing through obstacles–pain, life—proving and achieving. As a driven person, I seem to be constantly planning. When will enough be enough? Learning how to be at peace with the slower pace of my life is hard. I am still healthy and active, my slowing down is more of a spiritual slowing down than a physical one. My struggle continues to be between “being” and “doing.” Doing is a hard task-master.

What I do know to be true is when I quit creating stories about “I should be doing more,” the questioning stops. The trick for me is to remain present to each moment. When I am able to see the beautiful birds that grace my feeders I am fully present with a smile. I feel awe more often at the beauty surrounding me, aware of the grace and beauty in my life.

Maybe this next phase of my life is about slowing down so I can show up. Learning how to let Spirit pull me, instead of feeling the need to push through. For me it is a practice of trusting that what I need comes my way. I just need to pay attention and be present. Perhaps it is not about waiting for another door to open, but recognizing that being here now is the open door.

Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have. Make the Now the primary focus of your life.                Eckhart Tolle

 

Adapting to Rapid Change

by listeningtomylife7, posted in change, nature, spirituality, Uncategorized

In a world that changes overnight through technology and social media, it is hard to keep up with the changes let alone adapt so quickly. It seems a new world greets us each day with new information and new crises. How do we move through these changes? Often I find myself wanting to cocoon and binge watching Netflix. I want to zone out and not think of all that is happening around me. Probably healthy at times, but not as a regular diet.

I heard a wonderful TED talk by Natalie Fratto, Three ways to measure your adaptability and how to improve it. Although she focuses on the workplace, these three measures are easily transferred to our personal lives.  The sign below shows how the Fish and Wildlife services have adapted their signs to accommodate non-english speaking visitors to the Redwoods.

IMG_1064As you read through these three measures, ask yourself, “How do I react to change and its inevitability?”

  1.  WHAT IF—Ask yourself what if questions. Develop different scenarios for possible unexpected change. What if I am without electricity for three days?  What if I am stuck on the freeway with all lanes closed due to an accident? What if my child is sick at school and I can’t get away from work? Parents could make a game of what if’s with their children–creating all kinds of scenarios.
  2.  UNLEARN—An active unlearner seeks to challenge what he/she already knows. I continue to unlearn old beliefs and attitudes that keep me stuck in old ways of doing and seeing things. Unlearning creates a beginner’s mind-set–something we all need to return to if we are to navigate this changing world.
  3. EXPLORE—Infuse exploration in your life by being in a state of constant seeking. Let go of needing to know the answers and be willing to find new ways to experience life. As a left-hander, I am currently exploring using my right hand for many activities. I have not tried eating and writing yet, but I am brushing my teeth right-handed, watering the garden right-handed and other activities . It is difficult and frustrating and challenges my brain to be flexible.

All of these ideas help to exercise your adaptability muscle, something that is mandatory for our changing world. I hope you enjoy practicing some of the above measures.