May you find peace in the promise of the solstice night, That each day forward is blessed with more light.
That the cycle of nature,
unbroken and true,
Brings faith to your soul
and well-being to you.
Rejoice in the darkness,
in the silence find rest,
and may the days that follow
be abundantly blessed.
Life is a balance of holding on and letting go. Rumi
What better time to write about transitions then when fall is slowly turning to winter. I’ve always used the seasons as a way to look at my own growth. In fall I love walking in the crisp air and seeing the vivid colors that tell me fall is in its prime. I watch the leaves let go and fall to the ground, and ask myself “What do I need to let go of.” I mourn the slow loss of my roses, dahlias, and other summer plants. I watch them die away, going dormant, preparing for the rest winter offers for renewal. I ask myself, “What is dying within me?” “What wants to be birthed?” These are questions of transition. Questions many of us ask, and often want quick answers. I turn to Rainer Maria Rilke’s quote reminding me to be patient:
“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”
It is often hard for me to “live the question.” I let the questions free float as I do walking meditations. I make space for the answers by slowing down and listening to what comes forth.
May you find the time to be patient and “Live the Questions” of your life.
The Worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself. Mark Twain
A sense of separateness comes from feeling disconnected from community, families, friends, and our own selves. Lion’s Roar, a bimonthly magazine recently had a full section on loneliness. The introduction showed the number of research studies that are currently being done on loneliness. There are commissions on loneliness and campaigns to end loneliness. The United Kingdom has a Ministry for Loneliness. Loneliness is a hugh societal issue. We are connected to our phones, computers, and virtual relationships, but no longer look each other in the eye or have actual conversations.
One author recommended completing the sentence; Loneliness is a child…. Without consciously thinking of my own childhood I finished the sentence with the first thought that came to my mind. My sentence stated, “Loneliness is a child, in the midst of a family, feeling not seen nor heard–feeling invisible.” After writing this I realized this was my childhood. Much of my adult life has been spent yearning to be seen. I also know that I often feel more lonely in groups of people then by myself. I invite you to complete the sentence without forethought. Write what pops up for you. Write the sentence several times. An interesting exercise to give yourself insight to when you feel lonely.
Natalie Goldberg wrote a piece in this section sharing her sense of loneliness. She states, “Loneliness has followed me all my life……but no one every dared mention the dreaded word loneliness or utter its experience. Did only I feel it? That’s what loneliness is, believing you are alone in the whole world.” Loneliness is something we don’t talk about with others. We often believe we are the only one that feels lonely.
Martha Beck states, “Loneliness is proof that your innate search for connection is intact.” It is when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, to share our sense of loneliness with another that we begin to feel connected. Taking time to be alone helps us get to know who we are beneath the cultural norms that say we need to do more, have more, be more. Solitude gives us the silence needed to let go of what is not working for us.
May you find time in your days for quiet heartfelt conversations and the stillness silence brings so you may get below the layers of societal expectations.
There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is to see everything as a miracle. Albert Einstein
I have lived in both worlds. I now choose to see everything as a miracle. Living as though nothing is a miracle creates a darker world. I lived in a world of cynicism, distrust, anger that shaded my interactions and experiences. A wonderful definition of a cynic is “One who is a disenchanted idealist.” That was certainly me. Coming of age in the sixties I believed anything was possible. For a decade I thought we could change the world. Becoming a cynic protected me from the reality that change is slow and one step at a time.
Today I believe that everything is a miracle. I still have my moments of anger as I live in a world that is deeply divided and hate-filled. Instead of raging I feel deep sadness and know that this too shall pass. I know that my presence can make a difference through kindness, a smile, a word of encouragement. Bringing a smile to another’s face is a miracle. One step at a time is all we can do.
When I notice myself getting down, I walk outside and let nature renew me. How can I not see the miracles of a rose unfolding, or a flicker bathing itself in my bird bath? These are small everyday events and true miracles. Taking a hot shower each morning is a miracle. There are so many hands that help bring the hot water to my home. I know how blessed I am, as so many people in our world don’t have this luxury. Miracles are in front of us every day.
These are two of my favorite quotes that speak so simply to life as a miracle. “If you are bored, you are not paying attention.” Fritz Perls, and “Stay close to anything that makes you feel alive.” Hafiz.
May you feel the aliveness of miracles throughout your day.
Have you noticed your self-talk is often accompanied by the word “should?” When I use the word should, such as, “I should,,,,,,,,,,,,.” I am telling myself that I am lacking in something. Most of my life I have had a script in my self-talk that repeats “I should” for any number of reasons. I should lose weight, I should try harder, I should do more, I should spend more time___________, fill-in the blank.
All these “shoulds” create a since of not doing enough, not being enough, or not having enough. We live in a culture that continually tells us that more is better. The advertising industry is based on prompting us to buy more to be happy. The cycle is never-ending. We try to be more beautiful, successful, kind, spiritual, or put the words that you strive to be. Whatever your answer my guess is you have a lot of “shoulds” that follow you’re thinking.
I asked myself, “What would my life be like if I did away with all “shoulds?” The first thing that came to my mind was freedom. I would be free of:
–worrying about what other’s think about me,
–attempting to meet unrealistic expectations of myself or others,
–doing it right the first time,
–rehashing past conversations, or rehearsing future conversations.
As I wrote these different ways of being, it felt wonderful to allow myself to make mistakes, be spontaneous, and not worry about things out of my control. One might say we need those “shoulds” to keep us from hurting ourselves or others. I trust that most of us know right from wrong. We don’t need a should to tell us not to rob a store. The key is to not try to be what you are not. It is about accepting who you are and allowing yourself to be different. Marlo Thomas, wrote a song back in the 1970’s for children titled, “Free to be Me.” When I am fully at ease with myself, there is no need for “shoulds.”
I invite you to make a list of “shoulds” that seem to dominate your self-talk. Behind every should is a sense of lack. Allow yourself to look at what you fear if you don’t follow that “should.” Enjoy the journey, it is about coming home to your true self.