As I grow older, I seem to have more questions then answers. What is my deepest yearning? How do I want to spend the next part of my life? Where am I being called? Many doors have closed, some by my doing, some due to my age, and some I’ve had no control over. Yet, new doors don’t seem to be opening up. As a friend once said, “It’s the corridor between the two that is the real b__ch.”
My life has been filled with “doing.” I have always been an active, task-oriented person. Filling my life with pushing through obstacles–pain, life—proving and achieving. As a driven person, I seem to be constantly planning. When will enough be enough? Learning how to be at peace with the slower pace of my life is hard. I am still healthy and active, my slowing down is more of a spiritual slowing down than a physical one. My struggle continues to be between “being” and “doing.” Doing is a hard task-master.
What I do know to be true is when I quit creating stories about “I should be doing more,” the questioning stops. The trick for me is to remain present to each moment. When I am able to see the beautiful birds that grace my feeders I am fully present with a smile. I feel awe more often at the beauty surrounding me, aware of the grace and beauty in my life.
Maybe this next phase of my life is about slowing down so I can show up. Learning how to let Spirit pull me, instead of feeling the need to push through. For me it is a practice of trusting that what I need comes my way. I just need to pay attention and be present. Perhaps it is not about waiting for another door to open, but recognizing that being here now is the open door.
Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have. Make the Now the primary focus of your life. Eckhart Tolle